On the Road Again

Well, it's been quite the long hot summer. We (the kids, myself, and my mom) leave tomorrow for Rhode Island. Given the traveling with kids part we'll be taking three days and arrive there on Wednesday. I'm hoping to see lots of beautiful fall leaves on the way up the GA heat has really gotten to me and I'm ready for a break. Newport is having weather in the 40's and 50's already! Buying complete new wardrobes for all of us is on our list of things to do shortly upon arrival.

This has been a good summer though, a lot of healing has taken place for me personally and with my family. A lot issues have been sorted out and I feel so good about everything. I feel better about life than I have in YEARS and it's consistent. I haven't had the deep depression that I was dealing with for about a month and a half now. I went to a wholeness retreat in August and the results have been remarkable.

I have jumped back into my fitness goals with new gusto and with a new outlook. This isn't a summer change, this is a life change. This is changing ALL aspects of my life and putting things back in their proper place and order. My relationship with Jesus has changed and grown so much. He needs to be the center and the other things are becoming much easier. I need to care for my spirit and heart next and then everything else just falls into place. My inner joy is just welling up and helping me to be a more positive wife and mother and caretaker of myself too. So here is the new and revised (yet again) plan. :)

I need something I can do every day. The thing I can always be aware of is what I eat. So, guidelines and portions! I met a great new friend that has similar weight goals and we're long distance accountability partners. This has been HUGE! If I have to call someone to ask if I can have dessert, well then, I just don't eat dessert! I still enjoy the things I enjoy, for example beer, but now I have guidelines and everything is much more manageable. On this alone I've lost 6 lbs in two weeks.

Here are my rules: (not in order b/c I can't find my card)

1. Portions, portions, portions!
2. Don't eat my kids food that they don't want.
3. No sweets unless we ask accountability partner.
4. Exercise 4 times a week for 30 mins.
5. No more than 2 beers a night, not to exceed 4 per week. Compensate the next day with a lighter meal or a walk.

Now I'm sure all my faithful fans who have put up with my infrequent posts are curious about my results for the summer. I have lost 19.4 lbs. I have last 24 1/2 inches total!!! And best of all, I FEEL better, I'm happier, and I have so much HOPE.

"But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard - things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely"

Galatians 5: 22-26, The Message

Been Awhile

I realize that it's been quite some time since I've updated my blog. This past 6 weeks has been very challenging as far as situations go and personally. We had a lot going on as a family. Daniel lost a good friend, house hunting, sick kids, not a lot of private time, etc... My personal favorite coping mechanism is to shut down, so I did, a lot. Didn't work out, didn't stick to my eating plan, etc... So as far as I know I haven't GAINED a lot of weight back but I also haven't weighed myself recently and last weigh in, in spite of everything I was down two more pounds.

ANYWAY, all that being said, I've realized/remembered that, I need accountability and I need to set for myself a routine that I can do anytime, anywhere, and create a new habit to be accountable to myself and to value myself enough to keep taking positive strides in my life. So tomorrow morning I'm starting over with the new goal of reasonable changes that I can make that will see big results over time. I'll keep you posted.

Another Week

Another week come and gone. Another week of feeling basically like a failure in my resolve to meet my goals. It has been a challenging week in so many ways. Daniel lost a good friend who was deployed to Afganistan to an IED. Everything has seemed off kilter and I've felt essentially out of sorts all week. Today was probably my first really good day in the gym this whole week. I haven't done NOTHING but I also haven't been doing enough or staying disciplined with my diet in the manner I need to. I need to remind myself that getting back on track is just a decision away. Choosing NOT to drink the beer or choosing to go to the gym despite my feelings at that precise moment in time. I also need to remember that I feel so much better after going to the gym and working out. The three plus miles on the treadmill and an hour of yoga had me feeling a lot better about things. Now to take it a decision at a time and keep choosing what is going to help me reach my goals not shoot myself in the foot. The only thing I'm not liking about the yoga class I'm taking is that every now and then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I pretty much look like Mrs. Potato Head compared to everyone else in there. I try to remind myself that I am seeing positive progress even with all the derailing. I can now wrap a normal sized towel around myself and have it close all the way, my jeans are noticeably looser, and walking around the neighborhood doesn't have me out of breath like it did when we first got here.

Weekly Weigh In

Okay, so I didn't weigh yesterday because I was seriously down on myself. In the spirit of being totally honest and risking a serious tongue lashing from my trainer I was very bad at being strict with myself last week. This includes things like fried chicken, macaroni and cheese (a small serving!!!), a Milano cookie, and TWO Tequila Sunrises. Oh, and ribs. And sweet potato casserole. Top that with being totally inconsistent with working out and I was seriously bumming.

I wasn't going to weigh at all but was talked into it and so this morning I weighed and I've lost another 3 lbs for a total of 12 so far. I'm GLAD I lost more weight but I also wonder what it COULD have been had I stayed on my routine and eaten more strictly. There were some extenuating circumstances that contributed to my straying off of my plan but I could have done better.

This morning I got back in the gym and hit my routine hard. Got all my cardio in, did 3.25 miles today, 2 of them outside. I can't beat myself up, gonna keep moving forward and realize that it's a process with ups and downs but I feel like I am really making changes.

Changes

Today was my last session for the month with Cristen, my trainer. In the last month a lot of changes have been made. I'm working hard and feeling good and I feel like I'm off to a decent start. It's hard not to get bogged down in how far I have to go.

We leave on Wednesday to head up to Augusta to spend the rest of Daniel's vacation with his family. I'm a little nervous about having to work out on my own and I hope I can keep up this pace. It's gonna take cracking down from the day we get there and setting myself on a routine. I'll check in with Cristen via email and meet up with her every at LEAST every two weeks to make sure I'm staying on track. It is nice that we'll be closer to a gym at my in-law's house so it'll be easier to get more time there. I want to do more of my cardio inside as it's consistently in the 100's here.

I'll weigh in again and measure on Friday to see how much progress I've made this first full month.

Weekly Weigh In

So, I've lost 2 more lbs! I was hoping for more like 32.... :) It's still forward progress and I shouldn't be discouraged that I didn't lose another 7. My goal for this week is 5 more. Gonna have to really work hard to achieve that! AND NO "CHEATING"!

Wish Me Luck

Weigh in tomorrow. Yikes.

Fatigue

I have definitely felt myself and my determination waning this week. (and it's only Tuesday!) I'm seeing the pattern again of having discipline for about two weeks and then having the motivation kinda wear off. Now don't get me wrong, I haven't caved and put a dent in the number of bottles of Yuengling in the fridge or anything, (I haven't had ANY for that matter) but I see clearly that my own will power is flagging. It would be SO nice to relax with a beer, chow down on popcorn, have a HUGE burger, and of course the venti iced sugar free caramel latte I hear calling my name are getting harder and harder to resist.

I'm also hitting a wall at about 4:30 every afternoon. The tiredness sets in and my patience, especially with the kids, evaporates into nothingness. How am I'm gonna handle with when I don't have extra hands around to help me out? Hopefully as I lose weight the energy will increase.

Other than these few things I'm overall feeling better than I have in a LONG time. Even though my outward appearance hasn't changed all that much as far as I can tell I'm feeling more like a thin person. I feel stronger and my endurance is slowly increasing. I get a little frustrated that the outside isn't changing as quickly as I'd like. I have to remind myself that this is going to take time, months really. It took me a long time to reach this point, it's going to take a lot of hard work and time to undo it.

Weigh In

Just did my first "official" weigh in. I've lost SEVEN pounds! Not sure how long this pace will last but right now it's awesome. Overall I'm feeling pretty dragged out and tired. This has more to do with other stuff going on and less to do with my training. I'm TRYING to be excited about my weight loss but there is just a lot going on and a lot on my mind. Hopefully after my training/counseling session today I'll be in a better frame of mind...

Cardio

I just thought it was noteworthy that I did get out and finish my cardio this evening. Also, it's WICKED hot. And HUMID. And BUGGY. Yuck. BUT I did it, and I appreciate that mom went with me.

So,

I can't feel my arms. Still have 40 mins of cardio to do today, I'll probably break it up with walking some and then swimming laps. It is, after all, 102 degrees.

Monday

It's Monday and also my first FULL week of training. Last Monday and Tuesday don't technically count as training days in my book. Had a good weekend with my in-laws in Augusta, the kids has so much fun at the park and playing in the sprinkler. I also think it's worth mentioning that my one year old ate HALF of a large steak for dinner two nights ago along with watermelon, green beans, and her first dish of ice cream. Did I mention that she used a fork?

Okay, enough about the remarkable kids. My training session this morning went well, jerks at the gym aside. I'd like to give another shout out to my trainer, Cristen, she's awesome. Great sense of humor but also tough but with just enough encouragement to keep me going.

News for the day, down 1 1/2 lbs since Thurs. I will only weigh on Fridays from here on out but I was curious.

Feeling Better

Felt better today. My workout this morning went well though I have a sneaking suspicion I won't be able to walk when I get up tomorrow as I did all lower body stuff today. Apparently I'm somewhat out of balance and my "homework" for the weekend is either to do yoga, see a chiropractor, or get a massage. Hmmmmm, I wonder which one I'll try to do??? I don't know why but I keep getting surprised by how much better I feel the days I work out in the morning. I'm drinking less coffee and working harder than I've ever worked and overall I feel great (yesterday being the exception). It's still hard to get myself going in the morning but once I'm up I'm doing well!

Yuck

It's hot. I feel yucky. Did I mention it's hot? I could really go for an iced latte right about now. Trying to think of better alternatives, maybe an iced coffee? At least I have the option, I'm in Augusta for the evening. This is the first time I've had to fight cravings, feeling unmotivated, and a general feeling of blah.

Hmmm...

Never knew my right shoulder was lower than the left. Those before pictures are revealing more than I thought they would.

Got my second walk in today. The heat index was at 104, I'm not used to dripping with sweat after a 20 min brisk walk. Yipes. On the other hand, the pool feels awesome when I'm done. It's fun to splash around with the kids before dinner. Emma in particular loves to float around in her little cabana.

First Day of Pain

My workout went pretty well this morning. The sore muscles are starting to set in though! I still have cardio to finish today which should be super fun in the 98 degree heat! I'm certainly not in Monterey anymore. My trainer said I did well and that now that she knows what I'm capable of she'll really crank it up on our next session. All I know is that I was working hard so I'm not sure what cranked up will be!

As far as eating goes I'm sticking to the plan pretty rigidly. I even cut out one of my two cups of coffee in the morning. I haven't felt any desperation yet or severe cravings but I can feel the edge of hunger a lot. Nothing that bad though. I have eggs and veggies when I get back from the gym and then a fresh juice for lunch. Mom has a juicer so it's been interesting making juices or the first time. Some of them taste more "healthy" than good but I'm surprised at how satisfied I feel after them.

Okay, Aiden wants me to continue watching "Night at the Museum" with him. Now all I need to do is get up out of this chair...

This One Sucks

This is particularly difficult for me to show. I look at these pictures and hardly recognize my outward person, or worse I look at pictures from 5 1/2 yrs ago and wonder who that beautiful person is. I don't have a lot more to say on this subject other then I just want to get this post over with because it makes me want to cry.

Measurements as of June 9, 2009
Arm/bicep: 13 3/8 inches
Chest: 44 inches
Waist: 43 inches
Hips: 50 inches
Thigh: 32 1/2 inches
Weight: 223 lbs

So again, this makes me feel like what I have to do is nearly impossible. How have I let myself get to this point? How did I not SEE this and stop destructive habits? Were the extra beers and carry out dinners really worth THIS? I can't keep going like this. I'll post new pictures and measurements probably on a monthly basis, possibly every two weeks depending on the progress I'm making. All I know now is that no matter what it takes, I'm worth it.

As I look at these pictures of myself I am so grateful for my husband. He has loved me no matter what. Thin or fat it has not mattered to him. Not that it makes what I let myself become right, but it is a comfort to be reassured of his true unconditional love for me. I'm also so thankful for my kids and knowing that right now they just see their mommy and they love me for being their mom.

Thank you in advance to my parents and my in-laws for helping me reach my goals by watching their grandchildren, I don't know if I could do this without their support and the time they are giving me. That's all for tonight, I need to go before looking at these pictures makes me want to eat a pint of ice cream. Irony anyone?

Starting Off

It all started with getting married. I looked great at the wedding then I added the proverbial "freshman 15" except it was cooking for a meat and potatoes liking husband, Moo Time ice cream, and pints from Coronado Brew Company that began the slippery slope of weight gain. Then add into the mix 2 babies (not at once mind you) packing on lots of pounds with each, never losing it all with the first, busy schedules, etc... and here I am hovering around 220 lbs feeling embarrassed and disappointed in what I have let my outward self become.

So what am I going to do about it. I'm tired of back and forth weight loss so I'm going to change, not just what I do for a month, but for my life. I don't want to be a fat mom or a fat wife that can't enjoy playing with my kids the way the deserve to be played with. I want to be able to go on adventures with my husband and hike mountains and not get winded, I want to stop feeling ashamed that seats on airplanes are snug, and I want to be healthy. So for myself, for my husband, and for my kids I'm committing to change. Especially for my sweet baby Emma, I want to be an example of womanhood that she is proud to emulate.

Most of you know (if you're a friend) that I'm spending the summer between my parents home and my in-laws in Georgia. This has given me the otherwise impossible opportunity to get to a gym A LOT and to see a personal trainer. I have set up to work out with a trainer 4 times a week this month, we have had two meetings so far. Yesterday we went over medical history and diet, today we did a fitness test. Boy is she diplomatic. Her gentle way of telling me I'm super overweight and out of shape is to say that I'm, "fairly out of condition." Aiden would just say I have a big butt.

The goal we set today is to lose 40 lbs by the end of August. To do that I'm starting with cardio 7 days a week beginning at 30 minutes and working up to 90 minutes. I'll be working on toning and strength with her 4 times a week and she'll also be assessing especially weak areas and helping me correct and prevent problems now and also to keep me strong later in life. I'm also on a strict eating plan basically if it, "doesn't exist in nature, don't eat it." I'm also not to eat grains, sugar, or drink alcohol or dairy. (Does this sound fun yet?) So for now it's lean protein, veggies, low sugar fruits, and well that's about it. I'll work on cutting my coffee consumption and apparently the lattes are a thing of the past but it's just not worth it to me anymore. I'm tired of "rewarding" myself with food, what sort of reward have I ended up with. Not wanting to wear a swimsuit in 100 degree heat is no reward.

Right now I'm a little sore (and this just from the fitness test!) and slightly overwhelmed with the amount of work and commitment this is going to take. I hope this will be a bit of an outlet for me and also a way to get encouragement from my friends and loved ones. I'll take before pictures today and measurements so I can chart my progress and get them posted. So cheer me on, I have a long way to go!